“Melbourne can be, as many control freaks are, quick to blame and pass the buck. It could benefit from seeing a good therapist, if one were available. But I do still love it, a bit. Why? Because it vibrates with the same nervous energy as I do.”
Anna Spargo-Ryan, “Melbourne is Australia’s most liveable city and I finally understand why”
A month ago, I arrived in Melbourne to start a new chapter of my life, again.
The first time I moved to Melbourne in the 2010s, I was excited and felt like I was on the cusp of greatness. Nothing was holding me down, nothing was holding me back, everything was possible.
This recent return has been heavier and harder. I’m leaving behind a simpler way of life, a life that people (myself included) fantasize about and lot of people I love and who love me (again). I have a shared life now, and I share it with someone who’s also grieving their own losses from the move.
On the night I left Newcastle, L couldn’t drop me to the airport in Newcastle because she was on call for work and got called in, so I had to get an Uber. It felt so surreal to walk out the front door without keys, knowing I’d never need to access the building again.
Was this it? I thought, feeling like I’d been slapped in the face. 18 months of my life spent working and saving for that house and a life I’d fantasied about, then three-and-a- half years of trying to make it fit, and at the end of it all, here I am, again: traveling alone, with a suitcase, a guitar and a laptop. Just like every term returning to boarding school as a teenager. Just like when I moved to Brisbane at 17, to Toowoomba at 22, Rockhampton at 23, Melbourne at 24… you get where I’m going. It’s been a lot to process. I’m still processing it.
Needless to say, with all the logistical and emotional upheaval of an interstate move, I haven’t had my usual intellectual and emotional resources. So, here’s the Missive you’re getting with what I have. Enjoy!
“I miss it but it repels me away, because I want to get out and live my dreams.” - Courtney LaPlante from Spiritbox talking about her home of Vancouver Island
Reading
Part of my desire to move back to Melbourne was fueled by the desire to live a more embodied life. I’m so sick of screens.
I really enjoyed The Extinction of Experience by Christine Rosen. It looks at how a “mediated life” (mediated through technology) has robbed us of the boredom and friction that makes life meaningful. From the book:
“Modern people tend to see speed as an improvement, a boon that eliminates the bane of ‘wasted time’. We embrace what speed has wrought and count ourselves better for having it. And yet, how we wait tells us something about who we are, about what we expect from one another and how, both individually and as a society, we understand time and plan for the future.”
I also finally finished Demon Copperhead. It was very cool to learn Barbara Kingsolver has taken her earnings from the book and used it to set up a recovery centre near her Appalachian home.
Listening
Because I’m well known as a rock dog who loves sad girl music, people generally don’t think to recommend other genres of music to me. This explains how I only just heard about NTS — an online radio station that has been going since the mid-10s and plays basically every genre of music you can think of. I’ve discovered so much fantastic stuff from it, but my favorite has been modern classical composer Ryuichi Sakamoto.
RIP Ozzy Osbourne - Brummie criminal, Prince of Darkness, bat and dove murderer, doddering dad and a testament to the power of forgiveness and choosing a good partner. I love the chaos in this live video of Crazy Train.
Twenty years late on this, but this Scissor Sisters performance is so joyful. Wild to think this was happening in Bush-era popular culture.
Will be fascinating to be on The Missive journey with you for a *new* embodied life in Melbourne . . . a flat place with too many straight lines for me :) Good luck Sophie, LdS x
Wishing you all the best with the future move and hope Melbourne is super kind.