The Missive #84
Lie down in the middle of the road and let it run you over
There’s a trend currently happening on social media where people post throwback pictures of themselves in 2016. For years, I’ve said it’s the year of my life that I’d happily re-live. Back then, I lived in a beautiful house in a great location with my best friends, it was my final year as a journalist, my dating life was active, I played in two bands, and my mental and physical health was good. The only dark part was my cousin battling terminal cancer as a new mum. However, even this storm cloud had a silver lining. My cousin and her young family moved to Melbourne for better cancer treatment, and they rented a place close to the hospital and my own house. My teenage sister spent that year juggling work, uni and traveling between Brisbane and Melbourne to help with caring responsibilities, so we all spent a lot of time together.
Of course, in 2016 I was also broke, partying too much, struggling with burnout from work, frustrated with my romantic/sexual/creative partners, and feeling crushed by anticipatory grief for my cousin and the end of my journalism career. None of that is what feel when I think about 2016, though. I think of hanging out at my cousin’s house, with my sister cajoling my chemo-nauseous cousin into a matching tracksuit set similar to her own, so they could hit the pharmacy in “fashion trackies” together. My sister and I crying with laughter while bathing our cousin’s squirming baby daughter, both of us out of our depth but determined to do our best. I remember coming home to a warm house full of friends every night. I remember gin and tonics, moonlight walks across Kensington and Flemington, seeing Grimes play that one good album live, Monday night band practices, elaborate meals, situationships full of promise.
Over the years, every impossible dream I had in 2016 — falling in love, getting married, making good money, working remotely from Newcastle, home ownership — all became a reality. Still, I felt homesick for that time in my life in a way I couldn’t really explain, and honestly bummed that I might have peaked too early. It’s only recently that I’ve had the clarity to realise that it was a balance of community, novelty and creative expression that made it good, and therefore something I can re-engineer in 2026. I’ll let you know how I go.
I'd give the same advice for turning 30 as I’d give for having kids, or any major life change: lie down in the middle of the road and let it run you over.
“Being older is fantastic. That’s the thing I didn’t understand when I was young. I was always told that it was going to be horrible. Instead, I’ve found nothing but comfort. I just feel like my brain has been switched on. I was dead when I was young. I was so busy hustling, doing drugs, having sex, drinking alcohol, and being wild that I didn’t notice nature, I didn’t notice architecture. I read a lot but I wasn’t really interested in the history of literature, poetry or art. Now my brain is on fire. It feels like I’m running out of time so I need to ingest all of this. It’s exciting to me – all these ideas out there.”
— Shirley Manson in NME. I saw Garbage in December, and they were better than they were when I saw them in 2016. Beach ball rant or not, Shirley, they could never make me hate you
When I say “delay,” I don’t mean kids are broken or doomed. I mean they are arriving at school less practiced in certain areas than we expect for their age.
It’s like we quietly moved the developmental goalposts and forgot to tell the adults.
So a five-year-old who cannot wait more than five seconds without erupting? That’s not a “bad five-year-old.” That’s a nervous system that has had very few reps at not getting what it wants immediately.
A seven-year-old who turns every group activity into WWIII is not necessarily a budding villain. They may simply have had more experience managing conflict through “close the app, start a new game” than through “stay in the same room and find a way to work it out.”
A nine-year-old who shuts down at the first hard task? That’s not a character flaw. It may be a child who has never had the chance to struggle through something optional and low-stakes like building a fort, learning a trick, perfecting a drawing, without an adult stepping in or a device offering an easy escape.
— I was fascinated by this piece on play being the “Tier Zero” of childhood that every other skill is based on. Makes a lot of sense.
Watching
I literally cried myself into dehydration while watching Eternity, despite it not being a sad movie. Imagine dying, and then arriving in the afterlife to find out your first husband who died in war and your second husband of 65 years are both waiting for you… and you have to pick one to spend eternity with.
I thought I knew all there was to know about Sarah McLachlan’s Lilith Fair festival in the 1990s, but this documentary gave me even more that I’d hoped for. It’s been so quietly impactful and hasn’t really got the credit it deserves.
Listening
Listening to Lucy Dacus on Las Culturistas podcast made me want to be friends with her. So many pearls of wisdom, and the best “I don’t think so, honey” so far.
Hayley Williams on Amy Pohler’s Golden Globe-winning podcast Good Hang. Every episode of this podcast is lovely to listen to (except for the Renee Rapp one, even Amy couldn’t rally there), but this one went from politely-respectful to girls-gone-feral real quick.
I loved this episode of The Gray Area, where Myisha Cherry discusses why forgiveness isn’t mandatory, or often helpful. What even is forgiveness anyway? Lots to think about.
I’m late on Raye at the Royal Albert Hall, but it’s tremendous. Her continued success after being dropped from major label purgatory is a joy to watch.
L and I saw Lady Gaga in Sydney just before Christmas. It was an incredible experience that would’ve been even more incredible in a venue half the size, but you’ve gotta respect her decision to do fewer shows in bigger venues to reduce the stress on her body. She’s truly our generation’s Prince/Michael Jackson/Freddy Mercury and I’ve been re-watching her Copacabana performance of the same show to relive the glory.