The Missive #71
Pronatalists, cheerleaders, reverse parallel parking, permission to ask for favors
I love having conversations or reading/seeing/hearing something that leaves me feeling uncertain about my thoughts on the topic at hand. I've experienced this feeling a few times this month, and the next three links left me turning thoughts over in my mind for days afterward
“A diagnosis does something more than just describe. Diagnose is a verb. It changes things, legally, in terms of rights to certain treatments and services. Less tangibly, it can affect how someone relates to themselves. A diagnosis can sweep away blame and guilt. The parents I met seemed conscious of this, too, in their own uncertain quest for the boundaries of normality. When I told one parent that I didn’t think her son had ADHD she asked me, “Well if he doesn’t, is he just bad?” … In his book Mad Travelers, the philosopher Ian Hacking observed that diagnoses seem to flourish only in particular times and places: they need an “ecological niche” to thrive. Thinking back on what I saw of teachers and parents, it was unsurprising so many of them were reaching more for ADHD. It offered a new niche in the resource-bare landscape of childhood in Britain today.”
The viral Netflix doco on the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders got me thinking about cults, feminism, capitalism, labour, leadership, women’s bodies, athleticism, mental health and the pursuit of excellence.1
“When people say, ‘I can’t afford kids,’ what they mean is, ‘I cannot afford to have kids at the standards that I find to be culturally normative,” Malcolm continues.
The Collinses have had child protective services called on them before, Malcolm tells me, “because our kids were wearing used clothes, because they were sick too frequently – this was when we had them in daycare; of course they were sick all the time – and because they were seen playing outside without us being outside. It’s a locked-in, gated area that you can see from the house.” He throws his hands up. Nothing came of the visit, but it has clearly rattled them. “Pretty much all high-fertility families have had it happen to them. The government says, if you raise your kids in a cultural context that’s different from ours, that’s child abuse.”
– A fascinating profile of the US’s most famous pro-natalist family. There are so many wild details in this piece, I can’t just choose one.
“There are predictable consequences for divorcing friendship from assistance. It often means we are forced to pay for absolutely everything we need… the fear of being a burden atomizes us and as a result, further entrenches our need for something else: money.”
“When a body receives fewer calories, it must prioritize essential life support systems over any function not strictly necessary for the body’s immediate survival. Sexual desire falls into the latter category, as does high-level abstract thought. A body that restricts food and increases exercise believes it is undergoing a famine, which is not an ideal time to reproduce.
Is there anything more cruelly Puritanical than enshrining a sexual ideal that leaves a person unable to enjoy sex?”
Listening
This episode of The Imperfects, where menopause expert Dr Louise Newson blew my mind about (peri)menopause and its impact on the mental health of people experiencing it. I really liked that the three Aussie blokes hosting it came at the topic from a curious and compassionate place - no jokes about secret women’s business, or women being crazy.
Some videos that have sparked joy
I finally coughed up for YouTube premium and it’s been worth every cent. I’m certain all of this content is also on TikTok, but TikTok does the same thing to my brain as the pokies so it’s best I don’t use it.
Iconic drag queen and Supermodel of the World RuPaul has accomplished what driving instructors, my parents and my boyfriend who taught me how to drive couldn’t: explained how to reverse parallel park2.
My favorite ever RuPaul’s Drag Race Lip Sync For Your Life is to a Celine Dion song. I teared up seeing Celine perform at the Paris Olympics opening ceremony this week. It was her first performance since a rare and painful neurological disease forced her into retirement four years ago. If you ever need a pick-me-up, watch her episode of Carpool Karaoke. It’s hilarious — she’s so willing to be silly and commit to the bit (I won’t spoil it for you, but there’s a boat involved).
The French revolution was extremely metal and French metal band Gojira’s performance at the Olympics was SICK. The pyro, the beheaded Marie Antoinette choir, the opera singer on the boat, the blood confetti, the fact that they were on platforms high up in the air off the side of the courthouse where Marie Antoinette was jailed … just so good. If you don’t like metal you should watch it for the spectacle.
SZA (rapper/singer/performer) and Simone Biles (the greatest gymnast of all time) get in the gym together and do handstands. Love Simone’s reaction when she realizes SZA still has her former gymnast skills.
The boomer and Gen X cheerleaders had to look hot and dance with some pom poms to get the job. Now the cheerleaders have to be hot, full-on professional dancers and ready to need a hip replacement before they turn 30 to even get a look-in.
I’ve had my license since 2007. It’s fine.
Love the playlist. Hard not to feel like dancing to new CharliXCX right?